Coping

This is something I wrote ages ago and although its less relevant today, now that I'm happier (although it may not seem it after reading the previous vents!), I thought I'd include it anyway as its nice to look back sometimes.

There's no getting away from the fact that life is complicated and getting ever more so as time goes on.  Not only does it feel like there's a never ending supply of bureaucracy to satisfy, the expectations of society on me, and probably all of us, as individuals seem to be increasing daily.  I can juggle the paperwork, I can fill out the forms, I can find my way through the jungle of officialdom, but what I can't do is keep up the appearance of coping, that I feel I have to without something else in my life suffering and the ramifications of that are proving a rather large problem.

Life for our grandparents and even our parents had its own complexities, but it seems that everyone has so much more to deal with these days.  Nothing is simple, everything has a rule, a procedure and a form to fill.  Most of the time different sections in the same organisation don't seem to communicate, never mind different organisations, leaving the individual to do the linking and the tieing in and often the individual will be so fed up by doing the organisation's work for it, they'll just give in.  Better that and do without the wanted product, the compensation, the explanation; than shorten one's life expectancy any more!

A result of all this juggling is often a feeling of being out of control.  I can't speak for anyone else, but I find that my life is becoming increasingly difficult to manage as each movement within it seems governed by its own set of rules, sometimes imposed by society, sometimes imposed by myself and as a result of this, at times I am grasping for control.  Sometimes this manifests in the ugliest of ways - having an expectation of other people and trying to control them and their actions as a result.  I know this is counter intuitive, but nevertheless its one of the first things that I instinctually try for when feeling that my life isn't my own and is being unfairly imposed upon by other people.

Having expectations of others can of course, be very healthy thing.  The right expectations can demonstrate that one is worthy of respect, that ones has boundaries and what they may be.  It encourages mutually beneficial circumstances.  However, unreasonable hopes and especially the way they are presented, are undoubtedly harmful both to the people those expectations are imposed on and, in this specific case, me the 'expector'.

I can't control other people, their actions, their beliefs, their values, no matter how hard I may try and I certainly will lose all hope of anyone understanding my conflicting values if I *demand* they are respected.  People will be themselves, no matter what and all I can do is express my own sometimes conflicting values in a calm and considerate way.

And there is another side to all this effort to control one's own life, to cope with the stresses and strains that comes from society and other people; not being seen to cope is almost worse than not coping itself.  The stigma attached to 'losing control' is an addition pressure that is maybe more harmful than anything to do with not being in charge of one's life.  God forbid I am seen as anything but confident, in charge of my life and having everything in order, and maybe this is one the reasons why people turn to drink and drugs, anything to help with the pressure of life and the expectations of other people.

I have no doubt that I am considered a 'loser' by many people - yet another thing to find a way to cope with........

Pass the bottle.......